I love a good love story. This isn't mine. Any delusions of "happily ever after" dissolved last summer. I want to be respected, heard and loved. I want to share daily experiences and make future plans. There was no "thing," just a series of consistent actions (or non-actions) that led to my realization.
Sure, I hope it's "fixable." Who doesn't to be in a loving relationship? I don't know that it dead dead. I do know that my consistent effort to improve communication and set aside time to connect as a family with and without Teagan has positioned me as a nag. I also have drawn the conclusion that his priorities are to grow weed, have dogs, cuddle with his cat, love Teagan and scold/tolerate me. Mostly in that order. He is a GREAT dad and loves Teagan. However, he is best with a village of people to do the shopping, laundry, cleaning and behind-the-scenes work that makes this possible. I am not implying he doesn't help, he just doesn't do anything without prompting and when I ask for help, he's a dick. It would be great to blame this on COVD-19. We are more than 4 months into stay-at-home and social distancing orders. Many couples are struggling, but, this was in motion well before that. Today, we need some serious social distancing from each other. Luckily, his parents support this and we are invited to stay anytime. I took Teagan there after swimming on Friday. We had a fun night and early trip to the zoo. S tagged in Saturday afternoon. I went home and unfortunately had a few expectations set based on a seemingly productive conversation on Friday. Money, blah, blah, blah. He owes me a bunch and understands my efforts to move out are retarded by his inability to pay me back in a lump sum. Housework, blah, blah, blah. I restated that he needs to help cleaning up after the dogs. We have flies so they are rolling around in the dirt. They track it inside and on the furniture so more work for me. We have a fence that he could put up and keep them out of the dirt. However, he "can't" move the fence because he needs to prevent the dogs from rolling around in his weed. I suggested he get more fencing. He said he would. I figured he'd do it (and clean up the back) as an olive branch to start to mend the relationship. Nope.
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I am:A creative thinker/problem solver/hustler. . . future mother. Archives
December 2021
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