Damn you Universe! On March 1, I left for Hawaii to meet a bunch of women for a yoga retreat. Although I seemingly travel a lot, this was my first extended vacation since 2011 and I needed it. Scott and I have been butting heads (to say the least) and our living arrangement was toxic.
Yes, I missed the shit out of Teagan. And yes, I wanted to return with the clear vision that I was unreasonable, demanding and a shitty partner. I wanted to come back knowing that I had to change and that I could declare my willingness and love would be restored. I wanted to be the problem so that I could also be the solution. That’s not what happened. My attempts to connect with Scott during the trip were rejected. When my return flight was cancelled and I called for his input, I wanted to hear either “Don’t worry about it! Take another day, I got this. You deserve a break.” “Gosh, we miss you. Do you think you can get another flight home today?” Instead, I heard “Umm. Okay. Well, do what you want to do.” Does smashing his head through the phone suffice? Not sure. Instead, I booked a flight for the next day. I got home (at 1 am), and was greeted by 2 pools of dog pee in the living room. I woke up before Teags and discovered that there was just enough food for her breakfast. When Captain Sunshine woke up, after 8, I may have gotten a “hello.” I don’t remember. What I do remember is him being pissed at me that the dog peed inside and a gruff “well, I assume that I have the day off?” Oooph! Not what I was expecting. Or was it? He’s generally cranky in the morning so no real reason that he wouldn’t be just because I was home. It’s also reasonable that he’d need a break. Sure, I was only gone 6 days and she was in daycare 5 of them—but, he’s not a mom. However, this is not the kind of relationship I want. Over the next week, I sketched out my financials, started to look into apartments and found a promising home! A woman with 2 kiddos that just got divorced was looking to share her giant house about 5 miles away. Coming off my week of sisterhood in HI, I was all in. Then. . . we got quarantined. I’m not sure if this is God’s grand gesture that I am supposed to “work it out” with Scott (kidding, I am not that egoic) or simply a glitch in my planning.
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I am:A creative thinker/problem solver/hustler. . . future mother. Archives
December 2021
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