If I've learned one thing, it's to quit when I'm ahead. After a month of tossing and turning, I scoured the internet for a pregnancy-approved sleeping aid. Tylenol PM for the win! My research is over.
I popped 2 and fell asleep like a (my) baby last night. Alas, I woke up at 3:14 when the 5-hour spell wore off.
Back to sleep? Not a chance. Here's what's keeping me awake:
1. Do we have to get a mediator or run our Child Support agreement through court?
2. Who is going to take me to the delivery room? What if no one is home? It's close enough to walk. Is that a bad idea?
3. When do I (or we) start taking classes? What's the difference between them? What's Hypnobirthing?
4. Am I going to make it to PURE STRENGTH at 7:15 or should I cancel now to avoid a ding on my account? I am the last open spot.
5. Is S going to be my "coach?" I suppose I need to ask him and not assume. Is his mom going to want to be there?
6. How do you have a baby if you don't have a mom? Who is going to be excited and unconditionally full of love?
7. Baby bonding. If S does not stay with me the first 2 to 4 weeks, will she hate him? Who will take care of me while I take care of her?
8. Early custody. I can't let her out of my site. I hope he gets she needs to stay with me. What would he feed her?
9. Later custody. Am I really supposed to give him the baby overnight? UGH. He is the dad and I have to and am learning to trust him. I do trust him. I don't trust his cat.
10. Are we really going to end up with legal agreements? I like to think we are still working toward something. No idea. Has not been a recent focus of conversation.
I roll with these questions and then choose to get up. I promised my friend a synopsis of a book I am reading (God by Deepak Chopra) and I may as well get ahead of it. He knows I'm nuts. It's 4:14 and I really hope his ringer is off.
I do a quick mediation and head to the Y for a very, early workout. My 80-year old "boyfriend" is already there. He's a fireball. I love chatting with him and respect his commitment to be active and social. However, he is looking at me funny.
"Cynthia. Have you been eating too many cookies?"
"No sir. It's an actual baby, not a cookie baby."
"You've been cheating on me. Who's the lucky fella?"
"Well, he needs to decide if he's lucky. But, I still love you the same."
He comes close with tears in his eyes.
"I hope you know this is a miracle and the best thing that will ever happen to you. I have seen the world, had two amazing wives and the joy I have every day from my children is irreplaceable. Enjoy this time. It will all work out."
The unsolicited support slays me. I am clearly ahead and so. . . I quit. Happy Tuesday.