Being pregnant is hard. I have so much uncertainty and so little control over my body, mind and emotions. I know I am not alone. At any given time, there are 6.5 M women that are pregnant in the US – 41% of them are unmarried.
This doesn’t make it easier.
I have no idea how the next few months will be for me, Baby T, S, my job or Drew. I don’t know how she will actually get out or what will happen once she does. I know what I’d like to happen. 5 smooth months of pregnancy, a 3-hour natural birth, a healthy baby, a speedy recovery and blissful sleep for all of us until 2025. It could happen.
I also can’t control anything. My body is off its rocker. It’s hungry, nauseous, strong, exhausted, bloated and “shifting,” all at the same time. My mind is running in circles and my emotions are trying to keep pace. I sleep less than 5 hours each night and the thoughts that wake me up are not healthy or productive.
However, as an optimist, my job is to let go of what I can’t control and to focus on what I can effect. I need support. I can effect that. All I need to do is to ask for help.
Step one. S. Remember all those things that wake me up at night? I decide to share the list with him. All of it. I have a naïve idea that I should spoon feed him one thing at a time. Why? He’s an adult, he needs to know what’s going on that is effecting me, Baby T and have ample time to consider and plan.
I try to read it to him. What a mess. I start crying (again) and hand him the list while I cower on his chest pretending I am invisible. He takes it all in stride. He has early thoughts and we both know this will be an ongoing conversation with a lot of compromise.
I'll have to keep driving it since it's my body on deadline. He'll think I am a nag. I'll deal.
Step two. Sarah. She’s my closest friend in San Diego. We went to High School and College together. Since 2000, we’ve both lived in San Diego (with me leaving for a few years and always coming back.)
She had twin boys 12 years ago and lived to tell about it. I have such fond memories of her on her couch surrounded by mounds of onesies (and yes, of course I helped her fold them!) She’s seen me through all of my significant relationships and whatever this is—there is no judgment coming from her.
It’s good to feel safe being vulnerable and to have an adult exchange about responsibility. It’s not about me and it’s not as simple as a new job or a new boyfriend. I have to make choices that are best for Baby T now.
Step three. S’s Parents. I got a nice text from his mom a few days after Christmas. They live near Anaheim where I would be for 4-days of trade shows next week. I go for it.
“I’ll be working from Anaheim next week. It would be nice to get together if you have time and it’s convenient for you.”
“We’d love to see you. How is dinner on Friday night?”
My angle is simple. I want to get to know them and understand how they’d like to be involved with Baby T. Since I don’t have parents or family that is close or reliable, I need to take some risks so that she has people.
I am proud of myself for doing this and feel comforted that they are interested in getting to know me.