It’s Sunday! I had a great weekend at a pumpkin carving party with my good friend and a collection of strangers. It was amazing to step out of my head and easy to avoid drinking by being the bartender. As a bonus, I felt like I was helping out!
S and I are going hiking at 10. I’m excited. We typically get together at night and I think this will be a good exercise in doing something different. For me, changing the environment is an easy way to see a person in a new light.
I teach indoor cycling at 8 and hustle to get home and shower. Yes, I get that we are hiking but let’s be honest, it’s still early in our relationship and I like looking nice for him. I grab my phone ready to head out and see a text.
“Hey, my buddy just came by. I’m going to be a few hours late.”
What. The. Fuck.
Everything screeches to a halt and Bjork “Army of Me” blares in my head. It is on.
“Who the F does he think he is to text bail on plans that he made? Who the F is this "buddy" and why didn't you tell him you have plans?" It keeps going. .
Thank God that dialog stayed in my head. Before I react, I call Brooke for a second opinion. She knows I go ape shit when people bail. She also has a ten-month old and knows that hormones are real.
We decide that I will “be cool.” I don't have all the information.
Cool me replies. “Seriously? That’s a bummer. I am ready to go so will head out with a friend. I’ll text you when we’re wrapping up.”
“I’ll explain when I see you. He’s having a tough time.”
Okay. I am probably being insensitive.
The hike simmers me down and I grab lunch with my entertaining, young, hungover friend. He’s 28 and always makes me laugh.
S is meeting me at a café at 2. I am in a much better head-space. I don't think he is.
He’s avoiding eye contact. I am trying to apologize for not asking if everything is okay with his friend (turns out he had a panic attack and drove 2 hours South to see S—I am an asshole). But, he is having none of it. I am trying to own being selfish. It’s going nowhere.
He’s hungry so we go to a restaurant. I am so uncomfortable and I want to leave. I try to make small talk. It’s falling flat. We go to my house to play Trivial Pursuit. I can’t hold it together. I am hurt, crying and hormonal. I hate today. We finish the game. I am calmer. He’s buzzed on beer.
It’s drizzling outside and we pop in one of my favorite movies “Waiting for Guffman.” It’s nice to watch something mindless and to be held.