Have you ever had "that day" where everything changes? I just did.
After a fairly routine morning that included coffee, 5-minutes of meditation and a workout, I had an interview for a new job--and it was awesome!
In July, I was aggressively looking for a new opportunity and leveraging all my contacts to earn interviews. One was promising. But, the chase slowed down as they shifted and then downgraded the role and I learned I was pregnant. I quickly lost my drive to change and committed to the job I have today -- at least through my pregnancy.
On Wednesday, I got a call from the recruiter. He had a new role and immediately thought of me. What an ego boost. He sent me the job description and I have to admit, I was excited. Not only is this role in my field, it's doing two things I love. Creating a completely new program and helping people have better lives (plus, it pays $20K more and is 50% work-from-home). He scheduled an interview with the project consultant for this morning.
The call was at 8 am. I was prepared, focused and authentic. It went really well.
Next, I "returned" my car to Volkswagon (I had a diesel that was part of the emission scandal) and paid off all my credit cards!
Then, I leased a new car at half the price of my last loan.
At 1:40, S picked me up for Baby T's ultrasound and anatomy scan. While we were waiting, I got called back to reception for not completing the forms.
"You missed a question. What is your relationship to "S"?"
I laughed. "I don't know. But, we are both here. You are welcome to fill it in however you'd like."
We are called back and I lay (lie?) down. Pants down, shirt up. Warm gel is rubbed onto my belly. The technician gets right to it. She’s very good. Efficient and patient. She gets her measurements and answers all our questions.
The procedure is a little uncomfortable. I am emotional (duh) so S leads the questions and provides the commentary while Baby T dances through my uterus.
“She’s just like her dad—camera shy!”
My heart cracks wide open as the next layer of reality floods in. We are having a baby. Me and S. Half me. Half him. I hope no one notices the shuttering of my belly as I hold back my tears. I’m not sad, just effected.
I refocus on what’s happening. We see her heart, liver, hands and feet. She weighs 13 ounces which is the right size for her age. My placenta is a little low (in position) and we will get the results of all the measurements next week.
We go back to my house so I can gather my things for the evening and show-off my new car. Fast as it is, S still beats me to his house. I don’t get it. We both have work to do (I work from home on Fridays) so choose our spots. He’s in his office. I am in the living room getting help from the hounds.
I am deep into a Power Point when he comes downstairs.
“I think we should talk about us.”
“I’ve been really anxious the last few weeks.”
He has. I noticed this and did not want to pry.
“I want to ask you to move in and don’t know how, so I am asking you now.”
What? It’s too soon. I am not ready. I am ready. Yes. No. What?
I’m not sure how long I am silent. My excitement is matched by my fear.
“Yes. Of course. I’m just not sure when.”
We wrap it up with ghetto (cooked) sushi and a few too many episodes of “The Office.” I decide to go home to process and to be sure I get some rest (I agreed to teach 4 hours of yoga on Saturday).
What a day and what a blessing that I have stopped trying to control what’s happening.